“My life is a green pasture, bordered by a wooden fence. Each section represents one of my fears; these fears circumscribe my existence.
I regularly visit the perimeter, testing my limits. Each fear that I accept makes my world a bit smaller.
Once in a while, I gather my strength, jump the rails, and run free into a land that beckons me. These are the times I feel most alive.”
These words are from Thalia Zapatos, which I found in the back of her book A Journey of One’s Own: Uncommon Advice for the Independent Woman Traveler. I learned about this book when Kim mentioned them on her blog The Travels of Kimbopolo. My heart has been in my throat since I started reading the book and this quote slammed me on the side of my head so fiercely I’m surprised I’m still upright as I write this. I am being so challenged. I’m not sure that I’m even going to be able to explain the impact this book is having on me, but I’m going to try because I think I’ll learn a lot as I try to explain it. (And I immediately go blank).
I’ve come to recognize two things lately: (1) I need to travel to places other than Tucson. I know Tucson inside and out and the challenge is gone; (2) I’m afraid to travel alone and that keeps me inside the wooden fence. I need to specify that I’m afraid to travel alone if I’m not going to Tucson (or Florida where I went to visit a friend). I'm wondering how this fear relates to RVing, but while that's not my focus right now, I won't ignore the possibility of a parallel problem.
I can feel the fear in my gut. It’s there now as I’m writing this post. It feels like it could choke me if I don’t get a handle on it. I don’t like how I’m feeling.
I want to go to Hawaii. I think I’ve mentioned that in other posts. I’ve talked to my friend in Idaho about going but that’s not looking very positive. I don’t have anyone else to ask. I've mentioned it to my son, but with a recent change of command at their base, with him having a new general to protect, he’s not sure when they can get away. I also get the feeling that he's not that interested but won't come out and tell me.
So, what are my fears? I mean other than going to Hawaii alone??? Ok, here’s one. I’m alone at the beach and I want to go swimming. I have my camera, room key, car keys, etc., etc. What do I do with them when I’m in the water? Trusting that nobody will take them seems rather naïve and that’s not how I feel, I’m afraid someone will take them. Also, who's going to take pictures of me at the touristy spots??? See what I mean? Maybe I'm just making mountains out of molehills to stay inside the fence. Hmmm.
I'm mentioning this because I know that a lot of you are able to think outside of the box and I'm afraid I'm stuck in the box right now, in this case, fence, because I'm using a fence analogy based on the quote at the start of this post. It's getting tiresome. I'm also closer to just buying tickets and going...alone. But I'm tired of doing alone and maybe that's a subject for a different post...or not.
So folks, that's how it is.
More sunshine please,