This might be too much information for some of you out there, but then again it's my journey and this is an important part of it. I also want to get this down before I forget it and have something to look back at later on. So here goes...
A friend from grad school is currently working on getting certified in EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) and I'm her guinea pig. We've been meeting for quite awhile and she's been practicing with me. Since I've had a perfect life, no traumas, no issues, no abuse, nothing to regret from my past, it's been difficult for her to work with me. I mean, I come from a Catholic/military background so no issues...right? But today was a different day. She wanted me to think of a situation presenting difficulties in my life and I decided that wanting a Class A motorhome and being scared to death to drive one might be a good topic, so we went with it. It isn't like a counseling session so I wasn't sobbing or anything but I did have an AH HA moment, or as Nancy referred to it, it was a small t moment. Small t meaning a small trauma instead of TRAUMA. Apparently, back in the day (not that long ago), when I was in city bus driver school we went to some very narrow streets in Seattle to practice right hand turns. The buses had buttons on the left side of the floor for turn signals with a place for your foot to rest in between them. They weren't automatic and had to be held down throughout the turn. Then I had to remember to take my foot off of the button once the turn was completed, all the while remembering to pull forward so far before turning, don't hit the car coming towards you, etc., etc. with the instructor and two other students breathing down my neck. I only did this two times!! Those streets would scare me in my SUV and I'm in a city bus!!!! At the time it felt like TRAUMA but has simmered down to small t trauma, but trauma none the less. So it appears that driving that bus has gotten in my way and I think that's where the fear is coming from. I'll let you know because I'm going to a dealership tomorrow and drive a Class A. I think I'll start out with a Class B, then a C and then an A and report on how it went in another post.
I've also been questioning why I want a Class A instead of a B or C. Is it because there's room for more stuff so I don't have to get rid of as much and can take more with me? Does it represent the difference between a McMansion and a rambler, the Class A being a McMansion and a Class B being a what...a tent...because I think a Class C would be a rambler in this analogy. Well, for me, it's the four windows and where the dining room is located. I love the floor plan and I think it would be a great vehicle to live in. I'm referring to the RV pictured on my blog...the one that instigated the "Four Windows with a View" blog name. So, enough of the debate or the questioning or whatever else you want to call it. Just go buy the thing. Oh, ok.
I'm not sure how I'm going to make it until I leave for Hawaii on February 4th. I'm so sick of the gray and the dampness and the darkness up here. Day after day after day of it with no relief in sight. This is definitely my last winter in Seattle. I'm so looking forward to spring, so that I can start having garage sales and getting rid of stuff. I'm so under the weather and depressed and lethargic that it's hard to get anything done. No wonder I sound like a looney tunes on my post (I think I sound like a looney tunes, at least part of the time).